The Shop Kids Will Rule

First, answer this question:  How many millennials does it take to pay somebody to screw in a light bulb?

I frequently read the news and think about what I would do if I was suddenly 18 and pondering career prospects. Like most my age, I would choose a vastly different path than the one I took that made me a boring, cubicle-dweller who simply hopes he can make it to retirement without a life-changing upheaval.

As for my 18 year old self, he would take full advantage of the incredibly lazy, and inept generation that preceded him, and the even more inept one that he’s considered a member of, by learning a trade skill and taking these dimwitted, entitled morons straight to the cleaners.

Oh, but that’s not nice, and not true, right? It’s worse than you can possibly imagine.

Millennials lack even the most basic skills that people of my generation take completely for granted.

It’s so bad that Home Depot is creating videos that are so simplistic that they were worried about offending the millennial viewers by being too condescending in the material. No worries there, because the generation that spends most of its time whinging, can barely replace a light bulb or check the oil without assistance.

So, my advice to any high school kids who want to make some serious coinage is to go to a trade school and start your business as soon as you get out. Don’t cut these idiots any slack, or give them any breaks, just make them pay through the nose for their ridiculous lack of life skills.


How to Succeed in the Home Improvement Business

Being a homeowner, I’ve dealt with numerous home repair people over the years, and I’ve discovered that the biggest problem is finding people who will answer the phone, and then actually show up to do the work.

Here’s a pro tip to anyone out there thinking about starting a business related to home maintenance, improvement, etc.

  1. Answer the fucking phone.
  2. Show up and do the work to the best of your abilities.

There you go. That’s a million dollar bit of advice right there. If I was 20 years old again, I would forgo college and go in to carpentry,  and then start my own business.

I’d make a fortune, because I would answer the phone and do the work well. The few people I know that actually follow that mantra are booked solid for years and are raking in the dough.

By the way, if the guy you call can do the work in 2 weeks (and is over the age of 22), don’t hire him. There’s a reason he doesn’t have work lined up. He sucks.

So, to all of you aspiring young men and women who want to start your own trade business, just follow that small bit of advice, and you will be guaranteed success.


Pitbull Owners Take Notice

Grandma's house isn't so welcoming.

Recently, in Georgia, a child of the age of two was torn apart and killed by a pair of Pitbulls.

Nothing new there, right?  Just another daily story of a kid being killed by these dangerous beasts.

Except, in this case, the grandmother, who was caring for the child, and also owned the two pitbulls, is being charged with murder.

Hallelujah! This should be the default charge in every one of these cases, since the owners are perfectly aware of the danger that they pose, not only to children, but to all people. Only a psychopath would own a pitbull, because they simply don’t care about other people, nor do they possess anything that could remotely be described as empathy.

Let’s hope this case becomes a national standard and the de facto legal response to all future pitbull related homicides.