The Modern Man is Not

The Modern Man

It’s obvious to anyone in this country that men are becoming increasingly feminine with every passing year, but lately the extent of that transition is becoming more and more shocking.

In a recent article in the New York Times, a writer named Brian Lombardi may have hands down won the Wuss Award for 2015. Titled, “27 Ways to be a Modern Man”, he lists off an obvious description of himself and how he feels other men should be.

Here are a few excerpts:

  • Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
  • The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.
  • The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.
  • On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
  • The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
  • The modern man cries. He cries often.

He gets really feisty a few times, such as:

  • The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

That’s a very bold statement. What other brave rules are there?

  • The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.

You can almost hear him pursing his lips with anger and squeezing his hips, but it’s probably because his kids are actually the offspring of the real man next door. You know, the one who owns a gun and has actually seen the forest.

One would think that Brian is maybe a pseudonym used by a woman, but no, he’s actually a living, breathing male, but about as far from a man as one could get. Unfortunately, there are way too many Brian Lombardis out there these days.

Here’s a better one, not perfect, but much better.

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